I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
