Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
