Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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