Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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