i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
