C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
