never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
