Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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