you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
