dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize