I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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