dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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