I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
