apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Randomize
