so that wasnt chicken after all
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
operation have a gay friend backfired
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
