your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
