I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
