are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
