Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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