piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
