It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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