Don't make out with my wife yet
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
