Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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