Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize