Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize