oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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