Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
