My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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