Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize