he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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