Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
