Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
