I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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