i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
