This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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