There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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