He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
