no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
