I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
