so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
