what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize