I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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