if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
