a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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