i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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