I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I would ride that face into the sunset
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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