why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
