The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
