Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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