I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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