I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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