so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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