Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
