tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
MIDGETS
????
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize