this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
