i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
