I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
