we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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