Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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