mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
