The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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