I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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