Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
