ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The adults are the big ones right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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