I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
