is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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