Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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