I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
