WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Barsexuality is the new black.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Randomize
