I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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