Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
