it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
