New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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