the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
