You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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