I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
