you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
