I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
